Arizona Integrated Counseling Services

INTUITION

admin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 18:04:23 +0000

We wait for an intuitive thought.

Intuition is the ability to experience what is ‘right’ with your body rather than with your mind. It is called ‘gut feel’ and when we are at home in our bodies, there is an energetic harmony that is felt in the gut. It is often thought of as the heart being in tune, but the heart experiences peace when the gut is lined up with what is right for us. The reason for this is that there are nearly as many neurons in your gut as in your brain, with none of the software. It is a part of the body that is in tune with our inner and outer environment, when we allow it. The problem is, especially for those of us used to tuning ourselves out through one form of addiction or another or just through determined self-ignoring, we lose the inner ear for the truth as it pertains to us. Meditation is a means of quieting the monkey mind and allowing the inner mind to be heard. A quiet walk, a yoga and/or meditation practice, simple tasks that don’t require much thought…these are all means of quieting the inner turmoil long enough to receive what we need to know and what we already know.

Give yourself the gift of a quiet, respectful visit with yourself.

THE POWER OF ACCEPTANCE

admin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:55:16 +0000

Today, a young man who has been like a son to me died of Leukemia. He was 40 years old. Until last Friday, I was in denial that he was actually dying. I told myself (as opposed to listening to myself) that he would beat it like he did the prior two times. I became depressed. It was hard to fully function, to do the little daily things that needed to be done. I was fine when I was with clients, but when alone I felt disconnected and disinterested. I went to my therapist. And, yes, I find it extremely helpful to have an objective ‘watcher’ who knows me well and can help me see my truth. She helped me recognize that I was not accepting the reality that this person that I love so deeply was dying. When I was able to accept the truth, the depression lifted immediately as the sadness came. I have continued to be sad, sitting with and experiencing my loss and all of the losses I have had. But I am re-engaged with life, I am more deeply aware of the sweetness of life, I treasure my friends and family, and I am grateful for the awareness that acceptance affords me.

Many confuse acceptance with approval. Acceptance is just acknowledging the way things are and adjusting one’s self to the reality of the present moment. I find that the serenity prayer helps in that when I can accept the things that I cannot change, I then have sufficient energy and courage to change the things that I can, usually my actions, reactions and attitudes.

PROCRASTINATION

admin — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 00:20:09 +0000

I have not been tending to my little sounding board and the only excuse I can offer is procrastination. First, I got busy and told myself that “I didn’t have time”. Then I kind of forgot about it as I took care of all the other stuff. Then I would think about it, but it made me uncomfortable because it had been kind of a long time, so I decided to “think about it later” when I had more time. Then I would be even more uncomfortable, and, hey, I was still busy wasn’t I? So I would think about it later when I had more time. And so on, and on, and on…until one day, today, I realized that if I just did it, I wouldn’t have all those uncomfortable feelings anymore and I wouldn’t be thinking about not thinking about it anymore. So here it is; my answer to procrastination. Just do it!

How Do You Hide?

admin — Tue, 04 May 2010 01:18:46 +0000

Life can be a scary proposition, especially in uncertain times like these. There is a Chinese curse that says, “May you live in interesting times.” Well, these times are certainly interesting. Not knowing what to expect can result in emotional states that run the gamut from slight worry to outright panic. Financial insecurity can eat away at peace of mind and the anxiety is like water torture, resulting in the need to hide through some form of self-soothing behavior. Eating is one such behavior, but so is drinking, using drugs, shopping, surfing the net, watching porn, gambling, having an affair etc. etc. Obviously, these are unhealthy behaviors that distract us from anxiety. The anxiety is inherent and only eliminated through diligent spiritual and emotional growth, but there are healthier ways to treat anxiety. Not to belabor a subject, but exercise is an excellent treatment for anxiety. It doesn’t have to be fancy with club memberships and new outfits. It can be a ½ hour walk, a hike on the mountain, participation at a community center, a yoga CD, even yard work. The secret is to get yourself moving. The other thing is to avoid procrastination. Avoid avoidance! Embrace whatever it is you are hiding from and watch the fear dissipate.

The Weight is Over

admin — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 04:10:15 +0000

Do you eat emotionally? Do you reward yourself with comfort food after a particularly stressful time? Do you ‘deserve’ that dessert, snack, sandwich…whatever? If you are engaged in these eating behaviors, here is a new way to look at your relationship with food. If you are self-soothing with food it is probably because you are not engaged in self-care. Self-soothing is a reaction to feeling out-of-balance and/or overwhelmed. You seek to ‘ease’ the feelings that are making you uncomfortable. Self-care is being aware of your needs and addressing them as they arise, not ignoring them or putting them off until you have more time, more money, or more support. Give yourself permission to take care of you. Exercise is the easiest and cheapest way to care for yourself. It stabilizes your mood and leads to increased self-esteem and better health. Finding some way to play can recreate emotional balance. Giving yourself healthy treat (a massage, a walk, meditation, a…) is a way of saying to yourself…”I am important and I will take good care of me. It is my responsibility.” Self-care is an affirmation of and an investment in your worth and will pay dividends far into the future.

I am the only person I will spend my entire life with,

so I’d better take good care of me.

Resentments

admin — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 04:38:42 +0000

OK, who do you resent; parents, siblings, bosses, teachers, friends, a political party or politician, a government agency? Who do you give all your power to? Have you noticed that the persons or organizations that you spend so much time mentally glaring at don’t care? Not even a little bit. So who’s getting hurt here? You are! Don’t get me wrong. Anger can be a good thing. It is the energy that moves us to action, to change. But a resentment is just anger that you have decided to hold onto and nurture. It is seductive because it makes you a victim and you don’t have to be responsible for what is wrong with your life. The problem is that it does not work. In fact, it is counter-productive. Figure out what you can do and do it! Let the rest of it go. If you can’t do anything about it, give it up and move on to something you can do. You will feel stronger and more optimistic if you take action.

“Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other guy to die.”

It’s Not Fair!

admin — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 20:58:58 +0000

Still looking for the fair treatment where you get what you think you need or what you want? Still comparing your experience to others’ experiences and feeling like you aren’t getting a fair shake? Are you resenting someone, some circumstance, or some organization that interferes with your wishes? To quote a certain TV therapist, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Life isn’t fair or unfair. Life just is. It is what you do with it that makes the difference. If your attention is on what you don’t have you can’t see what you do have that can work for you. Being a victim is a mind-set, not a reality. Being a victim is a way of handing all your power over to the people, circumstances and/or organizations you resent. Take your power back and figure out how to improve your situation. Today! Right now! You will feel much better if you take action instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

Whatever your dream,

Whatever your goal,

See the donut,

Not the hole!

Wishing for a Better Past

admin — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:53:42 +0000

How much time do we spend wishing we had a better past, that we had better parents, a better neighborhood, better looks, clothes, stuff, brains, breaks, etc., etc., etc.? To the extent that we spend our lives wishing things had been different we miss what is present in our lives to be appreciated, learned from or built upon. There is a gift in each experience that we have. If we have experienced pain, the gift is compassion. If we have experienced fear, the gift is courage. If we have experienced doubt, the gift is faith. We have to look within each experience to see what life is trying to teach us. Take some time today to notice what is in your life and why it is good. Exercise some gratitude and see what happens to your mood. Really notice what happens when you are grateful.

Whatever your dream,

Whatever your goal,

See the donut,

Not the hole.

Loose Knees

admin — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 20:35:05 +0000

Monday’s Mental Health Tip

Well, the Olympics are over. If you noticed anything other than the incredible speed and athleticism, you might have noticed how loose their knees were. Think about it for a minute. If their knees had been stiff, or rigid, of inflexible, how successful would they have been in negotiating the bumps and turns they were taking? The skiers, the skaters, the jumpers all had loose knees in order to turn in a peak performance.

The same is true of your attitude toward life. If your attitude is stiff, “I’m afraid to try new things”, or rigid, “There is only one right way to do things,” or inflexible, “I’m right and you are wrong”, you are in for a bumpy ride and, more than likely, a crash and burn.

Having a ‘loose knees’ attitude allows you to be open to new ideas and experiences as you begin to see things from multiple viewpoints. This, in turn opens the door to new opportunities to grow and to solve problems creatively and with less effort. If you can accept that every situation has at least one, if not many more, viewpoints, and you are willing to try to see things from the other guy’s perspective, you can more easily negotiate relationships. No one wants to give in all the time. That’s true for all of the people who are in relationship with you, so give a little, find common ground and build a ‘loose knee’ relationship. You’ll be a happier camper if you do.

Welcome to the blog

bizzark — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:36:33 +0000

This is the beginning of putting my thoughts down in the ether. I am somewhat nervous that I will either talk too much saying nothing or will not say what I mean to. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I am a therapist. If you are reading this blog you have already figured that out. In this first foray into the digital void, I would like to dispel some of the misconceptions people have about the therapeutic process.

First, many believe that therapy is for the weak. Not so my friend. Self-examination requires courage. It is easy to blame everything and everyone around you for what is wrong in your life, but only you have the power to change your experience. It is always helpful, often necessary, to have someone see you objectively and to help you to see things in a new light, to recognize patterns in your life, and to help you discover new solutions to old problems. Therapy does that.

Some think that therapy is all about ‘digging up the past’ and blaming the parents. While it is true that it is necessary to examine a person’s history to identify where beliefs and patterns of behavior originated, that part of therapy is more like data-mining than looking for someone to blame. It is an important component of self-understanding, but is absolutely not about being the victim of some vicious plot by your parents’ to ruin your life. It is about discovering how you became you and how you still have the power to recreate your life to work better, to be happier, and to wear your life loosely.

Some argue that therapy is a needless expense, a rip-off by soft-minded bleeding hearts, or just a waste of time. Good therapy is just the opposite. It is not an expense but an investment in a more productive, more enjoyable and more fulfilled life. The function of therapy is to improve your relationship with yourself and by doing so, you automatically improve your relationship with others and the world at large. It is an investment in the most important person in your life – you.

Therapists do have compassion for others’ pain and difficulties but challenge rather than coddle someone who has become stuck in one way or another. This requires being really ‘present’ with the person seeking help. It is not about telling a person what to do or how to be, but rather about creating an opportunity for that person to discover for him or herself what they want to do and who they want to be. If you have been unsuccessfully trying to do that for years, perhaps a little assistance is just what you are looking for.

My own experience is that therapy opened doors for me that I didn’t even know existed. It created the opportunity for me to reach beyond where I was and who I believed myself to be. It was through facing and embracing my self-destructive behavior and my fears, that I could become the person I was meant to be. If you want that in your life, if you even think that you might possibly, even a little bit, wish that could happen for you, take a chance. Make a call. The first session is free so that you can try it on for free. If you don’t like it or don’t like me, nothing lost. If you think that some therapy might be helpful, my mission is to identify the problem, find the solution and get the new, improved you back in the game as quickly as possible. So take a chance, leap and the net will appear. Choose to discover yourself and watch your life change.