Published on March 15, 2012
Each of us begins as a seed with all of the potential of human experience expressed through the parameters of genetics, environment, and the ineffable quality of spirit. Within each of us is the potential to be a Christ or a Hitler. To the extent that we judge and reject human experience and behavior, we are rejecting ourselves. It is from self-acceptance that deeper understanding of self can emerge. If we avoid our shadow, we also avoid our light.
The easiest way to deal with fear is to identify ‘the other’ and to hate or reject it. In doing so, we are hating or rejecting that vulnerable, frightened self within ourselves and become fragmented and dis-membered in the same way that society does when under the stress of fear. Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s quote, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself” is both the dilemma and the solution. Embrace the fear of your fear and you defeat it. Run and you grow it and it will consume you and direct your life. Take your power back by accepting yourself and life, just as it is. Then, from that place, decide what you need and/or want to do to improve your experience.
Published on August 20, 2010
We wait for an intuitive thought.
Intuition is the ability to experience what is ‘right’ with your body rather than with your mind. It is called ‘gut feel’ and when we are at home in our bodies, there is an energetic harmony that is felt in the gut. It is often thought of as the heart being in tune, but the heart experiences peace when the gut is lined up with what is right for us. The reason for this is that there are nearly as many neurons in your gut as in your brain, with none of the software. It is a part of the body that is in tune with our inner and outer environment, when we allow it. The problem is, especially for those of us used to tuning ourselves out through one form of addiction or another or just through determined self-ignoring, we lose the inner ear for the truth as it pertains to us. Meditation is a means of quieting the monkey mind and allowing the inner mind to be heard. A quiet walk, a yoga and/or meditation practice, simple tasks that don’t require much thought…these are all means of quieting the inner turmoil long enough to receive what we need to know and what we already know.
Give yourself the gift of a quiet, respectful visit with yourself.
Published on July 30, 2010
Today, a young man who has been like a son to me died of Leukemia. He was 40 years old. Until last Friday, I was in denial that he was actually dying. I told myself (as opposed to listening to myself) that he would beat it like he did the prior two times. I became depressed. It was hard to fully function, to do the little daily things that needed to be done. I was fine when I was with clients, but when alone I felt disconnected and disinterested. I went to my therapist. And, yes, I find it extremely helpful to have an objective ‘watcher’ who knows me well and can help me see my truth. She helped me recognize that I was not accepting the reality that this person that I love so deeply was dying. When I was able to accept the truth, the depression lifted immediately as the sadness came. I have continued to be sad, sitting with and experiencing my loss and all of the losses I have had. But I am re-engaged with life, I am more deeply aware of the sweetness of life, I treasure my friends and family, and I am grateful for the awareness that acceptance affords me.
Many confuse acceptance with approval. Acceptance is just acknowledging the way things are and adjusting one’s self to the reality of the present moment. I find that the serenity prayer helps in that when I can accept the things that I cannot change, I then have sufficient energy and courage to change the things that I can, usually my actions, reactions and attitudes.
Published on July 2, 2010
I have not been tending to my little sounding board and the only excuse I can offer is procrastination. First, I got busy and told myself that “I didn’t have time”. Then I kind of forgot about it as I took care of all the other stuff. Then I would think about it, but it made me uncomfortable because it had been kind of a long time, so I decided to “think about it later” when I had more time. Then I would be even more uncomfortable, and, hey, I was still busy wasn’t I? So I would think about it later when I had more time. And so on, and on, and on…until one day, today, I realized that if I just did it, I wouldn’t have all those uncomfortable feelings anymore and I wouldn’t be thinking about not thinking about it anymore. So here it is; my answer to procrastination. Just do it!
Life can be a scary proposition, especially in uncertain times like these. There is a Chinese curse that says, “May you live in interesting times.” Well, these times are certainly interesting. Not knowing what to expect can result in emotional states that run the gamut from slight worry to outright panic. Financial insecurity can eat away at peace of mind and the anxiety is like water torture, resulting in the need to hide through some form of self-soothing behavior. Eating is one such behavior, but so is drinking, using drugs, shopping, surfing the net, watching porn, gambling, having an affair etc. etc. Obviously, these are unhealthy behaviors that distract us from anxiety. The anxiety is inherent and only eliminated through diligent spiritual and emotional growth, but there are healthier ways to treat anxiety. Not to belabor a subject, but exercise is an excellent treatment for anxiety. It doesn’t have to be fancy with club memberships and new outfits. It can be a ½ hour walk, a hike on the mountain, participation at a community center, a yoga CD, even yard work. The secret is to get yourself moving. The other thing is to avoid procrastination. Avoid avoidance! Embrace whatever it is you are hiding from and watch the fear dissipate.
Published on April 21, 2010
Do you eat emotionally? Do you reward yourself with comfort food after a particularly stressful time? Do you ‘deserve’ that dessert, snack, sandwich…whatever? If you are engaged in these eating behaviors, here is a new way to look at your relationship with food. If you are self-soothing with food it is probably because you are not engaged in self-care. Self-soothing is a reaction to feeling out-of-balance and/or overwhelmed. You seek to ‘ease’ the feelings that are making you uncomfortable. Self-care is being aware of your needs and addressing them as they arise, not ignoring them or putting them off until you have more time, more money, or more support. Give yourself permission to take care of you. Exercise is the easiest and cheapest way to care for yourself. It stabilizes your mood and leads to increased self-esteem and better health. Finding some way to play can recreate emotional balance. Giving yourself healthy treat (a massage, a walk, meditation, a…) is a way of saying to yourself…”I am important and I will take good care of me. It is my responsibility.” Self-care is an affirmation of and an investment in your worth and will pay dividends far into the future.
I am the only person I will spend my entire life with,
so I’d better take good care of me.
Published on April 14, 2010
OK, who do you resent; parents, siblings, bosses, teachers, friends, a political party or politician, a government agency? Who do you give all your power to? Have you noticed that the persons or organizations that you spend so much time mentally glaring at don’t care? Not even a little bit. So who’s getting hurt here? You are! Don’t get me wrong. Anger can be a good thing. It is the energy that moves us to action, to change. But a resentment is just anger that you have decided to hold onto and nurture. It is seductive because it makes you a victim and you don’t have to be responsible for what is wrong with your life. The problem is that it does not work. In fact, it is counter-productive. Figure out what you can do and do it! Let the rest of it go. If you can’t do anything about it, give it up and move on to something you can do. You will feel stronger and more optimistic if you take action.
“Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other guy to die.”
Published on April 5, 2010
Still looking for the fair treatment where you get what you think you need or what you want? Still comparing your experience to others’ experiences and feeling like you aren’t getting a fair shake? Are you resenting someone, some circumstance, or some organization that interferes with your wishes? To quote a certain TV therapist, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Life isn’t fair or unfair. Life just is. It is what you do with it that makes the difference. If your attention is on what you don’t have you can’t see what you do have that can work for you. Being a victim is a mind-set, not a reality. Being a victim is a way of handing all your power over to the people, circumstances and/or organizations you resent. Take your power back and figure out how to improve your situation. Today! Right now! You will feel much better if you take action instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
Whatever your dream,
Whatever your goal,
See the donut,
Not the hole!
Published on March 30, 2010
How much time do we spend wishing we had a better past, that we had better parents, a better neighborhood, better looks, clothes, stuff, brains, breaks, etc., etc., etc.? To the extent that we spend our lives wishing things had been different we miss what is present in our lives to be appreciated, learned from or built upon. There is a gift in each experience that we have. If we have experienced pain, the gift is compassion. If we have experienced fear, the gift is courage. If we have experienced doubt, the gift is faith. We have to look within each experience to see what life is trying to teach us. Take some time today to notice what is in your life and why it is good. Exercise some gratitude and see what happens to your mood. Really notice what happens when you are grateful.
Whatever your dream,
Whatever your goal,
See the donut,
Not the hole.
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